7 Truly Terrifying Halloween Ideas
So your friends will all be dressing as Terry Richardson, Karl Lagerfeld or Lady Gaga, but you want to do something a bit more frightening? Something more in the spirit of Halloween, but more fashion forward than the standard ghost or zombie costume? We’ve got you covered.
Pay close attention, because these are names which will only be mentioned once a year on Signature9 (well, possibly twice if we’re looking ahead to April 1st), especially next to the word “inspiration.” Now, 7 costume ideas inspired by the faces that frighten us throughout the year.
Shauna Sand
The latest Hollywood starlet to try to move off the D-list via sex tape, Sand has never found an occasion where lucite wasn’t appropriate.
How to get the look: Lucite heels, a little spandex (really – as little as possible), frosted lip gloss and black eyeliner are all you need to pull this one off. And before you leave the house, don’t forget to take one thing off. Shauna would probably suggest underwear.
Kim Zolciak’s Wig
The Real Housewife of Atlanta star has drawn attention from her first frame on the small screen with her doll-like wig. Diane von Furstenberg pulls off the look on the cover of Purple magazine.
How to get the look: If you can’t get your hands on a Margiela coat for the costume, scalp a few Barbie dolls and piece together. We can’t guarantee that you’ll look as good as Diane, but you’ll probably still do better than Kim.
Lindsay Lohan
From fresh faced to frightening in five years flat. We won’t say she’s aging in dog years, but the once glowing star now looks to be in the same age range as her mother.
How to get the look: You won’t be able to achieve it overnight, but buy a minimum 5 bottles of self tanner and apply liberally. Apply pasties (Ungaro, of course), “borrow” jeans with a bag of baking soda in the pocket, pick up an automobile fender to carry around and voila! You are La Lohan.
Jocelyn Wildenstein
Is any explanation necessary?
How to get the look: Purchase a plastic princess mask. Melt for 15 minutes. Done!
Katie Price/Jordan/Jodie Marsh/Roxanne (Alex Reid)
They’re almost interchangeable at this point, but read on for the subtle differences in costume.
How to get the look: The costumes all start the same: 2 round balloons, over-inflated and placed at chest level. A Borat style swimsuit made of pleather, metallic lamé or glitter covered nylon and a pair of heels made for streetwalking are the foundation. Apply 3 coats of pancake makeup, bronzer and false lashes. Top with a wig made of Amy Winehouse’s rehabbed beehive.
For Jodie Marsh, sprinkle with glitter and desperation, add rhinestones. For Katie Price/Jordan, volunteer inappropriate information throughout the night, insult any other women in similar costume for being trashy. And for Roxanne (Alex Reid), add a pair of stockings, cross your legs and look like more of a lady than the girls next to you. That might actually be the easiest.
Jon Gosselin
While he’s pulled his 8 children off of TV and out of the spotlight, we haven’t had as much luck getting Jon Gosselin to do the same.
How to get the look: 3 hours in Ed Hardy, 15 minutes at Claire’s (for the rhinestone ear dazzlers), 2 women half your age (and no more than 2.5 x the age of your oldest child), a bald spot and a clock on 14:58 will make this look complete. Accessorize with 8 child dolls, but only because Halloween’s on a weekend.
Chantal Biya
With hair that the Toddlers and Tiaras crowd can only dream of, there is no one on the world stage who can compete with Cameroon’s first lady. We’re only frightened because of what Ms. Biya might be hiding in her hair.
How to get the look: Buy the Dallas DVD set. Purchase a wig, tease until it is exactly 3.14 times (this look is both art and science) the height of Alexis Carrington’s. Pair with a power suit from the same decade, add jewels and a bow. Accessorize with an air of indignation at the starlets who try to look better than you. Know in your heart that they never will because you have backup bows tucked safely away beneath your first layer of hair. Just look at that picture: Michelle, who?
